#7: The MIL

mil1Ah, the Mother-in-Law. What would we do without your incessant nagging and presence in our little lives? What would we bitch about?

It is really hard to describe that special something that you have– that je ne se qua. You truly are a special being.

From Hell.

Perhaps you are one of the lucky women that has a special relationship with your MIL. She is the mother you never had. She is a saint. She is a friend. Well you, my dear, suck out loud. For many of us, she is the tyrant that haunts our dreams. She is the woman that turns our otherwise rational partners into stressed, sweaty, grovelling messes. She is the Anti-Christ.

And so I’ve asked you, ladies, to send me some info on your MILs from Hell. Here are some of the gems. I’m always open to more…

1.  She keeps trying to feed us things that I would never ingest into my body. that which she calls food, isn’t. She is heavy. I do not wish to be. Gross.

2. Just because she constantly sends me religious paraphernalia does not mean that I am going to suddenly become a super Christian. She freaks me out. My 7-month old cannot read cards about Jesus addressed to her. I would prefer not to. And the books don’t help either. Get a freakin’ grip.

3. I am acutely aware of her bodily functions as she is constantly bringing them up– I never thought this would happen to me. Note– poo is not an appropriate conversational item.

4. She needs to stop guilt-tripping her son about everything! Stop crying! He is not a child. He is a grown-ass man. And listen– if she wants to see us more often, she should travel. She is not sick, she is not dying, she is not that old, and for Godsake, we have children. Trump card, we win. She travels.

5. No– we are not coming home for Xmas. It is not our home. I will not subject my children to a long-ass drive just to make you happy. Xmas should be about tradition and stability. Travel does not equal those things. We are going to have Xmas as a family in our home, with our children, with our tree. You are welcome to come and visit– After Xmas Day.

6.  I’m sorry, but your house is tiny and uncomfortable. I wish you could understand that if we could stay in a hotel without worrying that we will ‘insult’ you,  we would all be happier. Maybe we would even stay longer or visit more often. Think about it.

These ladies, are a few of the excellent examples of the Super MIL. I am always open to more examples in the comments section.

Look– we will become the MIL one day. God knows, my mom is no saint sometimes. Yet– the pressure for a husband to please his MIL is nothing compared to the wife/MIL combo. It just isn’t. Thank God I have girls. Because, honestly, there is just something about that Mother-son relationship sometimes… well, it can get kinda, creepy.

You know it’s true.

Comment below, bitches.

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4 responses to “#7: The MIL

  1. Hi, good post. I have been thinking about this issue,so thanks for posting. I’ll definitely be coming back to your posts.

  2. After many years of enduring my own Monster-in-law, I decided to write a book. Ladies, I need your help. For my research I am collecting personal mother-in-law (MIL) stories. I would appreciate learning about your experiences as it relates to your MIL. I promise complete anonymity – unless you insist otherwise.

    People have all kinds of MILs: tactful and manipulative, understanding and cruel, wacky and hideous. The bottom line is that we all will benefit if our MILs become a bit more accepting, a bit more forgiving, and a bit more appreciative of us.

    Please send your stories to evagoodmil@gmail.com THANK YOU!

  3. Love this blog I’ll be back when I have more time.

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