#8: Martyrdom

Do you work all day, only to come home and start your second job as a housekeeper? Do yomartyrdomu clean up after your husband, your children and your dogs?  Are you a stay-at-home mom that gets no respect for all of the work that you accomplish on the home front? Do you work for a boss that is abrasive and unappreciative?

Well– have you said anything? Why not?!?

Why do women insist on suffering in silence and carrying this ‘suffering’ as a badge of honor? Simple. Because women see themselves as martyrs. We slave all day because in the end, we know that in doing so, we are better than you. You know who you are. Pussy.

Seriously. We are better. I’ll show you. I swear. Where is my dust cloth? Do you want me to cook you something to eat?

We have to prove to ourselves that we do for other people before ourselves–that we are, in fact, selfless. Especially when it comes to the hubby and chilluns’.

Every woman I know that has a child (or children) and/or a husband has, at some point, sacrificed her own time (and sanity) in order to make everyone happy. My own mother would go without fashionable clothes so that her daughters could buy something worth wearing. She would work endlessly when we were sick–even if she was sick as well– so that we wouldn’t suffer. She did the same for my father. Hell, I don’t remember Dad dropping everything when he was horking his lungs out to help me with my medicine. In fact, I remember him lying on the couch, moaning as if he was about to collapse into a coma.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate my mom. But why would she do this? Why suffer herself when my father was perfectly capable of bucking up and handling it?

Maybe she didn’t want to listen to him bitch. I can understand that. But, I think this comes down to the simple knowledge that all of our mothers have. That women have.

For all of us, when we succeed, When we score that goal, when we get into grad school, who got us there? Who do we thank? Not the man on that couch. We thank mom. Why? Because she is better than everyone. She gave birth to us. She married Dad when she could have chosen anyone. ANYONE. She suffered in silence to make this world a wonderful place for her family. Working, cleaning, caring. Without a complaint.

But wait—don’t women love complaining ? It is #1 on our list.

NOT when it comes to their family’s well-being. That would be seen as terribly taboo.  (It is a joy to raise and handle a family everyone. Why don’t you know that? Why don’t you? Stop being selfish and enjoy all of that work. Your kids are the best thing that has ever happened to you– every moment of everyday. Why do you hate your kids?)

Dad will know she’s pissed– but another person will not.

Perhaps it is a selfish act in some way to work to promote a family’s happiness and well-being. I mean– Darwinism, right? Especially when that woman does so with a smile on her face when talking about it to others. Yet deep inside, she knows (or hopes) that she’ll be rewarded for her actions. Her suffering.

Look– women learn this behavior model from our own mothers. It’s a cycle. Boys know Mommy will take care of them. After that, wifey will. It has allowed the species to thrive–to survive, perhaps? It goes like this:

  • Mom works her ass off
  • Mom says nothing
  • Mom glares at Dad on couch
  • Kids love mom
  • Kids fail to recognize Dad’s contribution
  • Girls model mom
  • Boys lay on couch
  • Mom coddles boy(s) on couch
  • Kids stay/side with mom
  • Dad may stay or go
  • Mom is seen as martyr if her cards are played right
  • Dad is bitter and annoyed by this

So ladies, when you are scrubbing that toilet because someone has destroyed it, or your hubby complains about what a day he had at work– and you’re cooking dinner, feeding the baby, washing the dog, hopping on one foot AND writing a dissertation– repeat this:

I am better than everyone.  Give me another task and I’ll bust this bitch out. Seriously. I’ll bust it.


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