#13: Role Play

teacherGettin’ Saucy.

In all seriousness– if you don’t love this and you are a woman– hop to it girl.

Who doesn’t like to role play? I’m not talking about the kind of role play that involved running around outside with your besties when you were 10, playing army. I’m talking about sweet lovin’. Getting down and dirty. Getting, well, creative.

If there is one place that any woman (and I do mean ANY) can lose herself, it’s in the bedroom. This my friends, is a good thing. It’s like playing pretend–adult style. Both partners can step away from real life and be someone else for a few minutes or, hopefully, hours. We can be who we want to be, say what we want to say, do what we want to do–WAIT– isn’t that a song? I digress.

It’s like Halloween. You can have costumes if you want. Hell, you can trick or treat. Be careful with the tricks though. You could get yourself into real trouble with your lady there. As a lady, you can dress like a total tramp and feel good about it. See? Halloween. I effing love Halloween.

Let us discuss The Rules of Role Play (as told be me, of course).

1. Express Yourself:

Be clear with your partner. Set boundries. Set rules. Tell her/him what you like and what you don’t like. Talk about your fantasies. If you don’t–this one is especially for the ladies– your man might roll out dressed as a horse and yell “ride me,” or some shit. Then sex is ruined forever. All you will ever see from that moment on is your partner, dressed like a horse, bit, bridle and all. There is a difference between a ‘perv’ and a ‘PERV’. All men are ‘pervs.’ It takes a special person to be a ‘PERV’.  But dude, if you are both into Pony Play, more power to you. No thanks.

2. Talk it up:

Once you two have decided on the theme, talk trash. Get in the mood. Work

I need to run to the restroom. Let's break for 10.

I need to run to the restroom. Let's break for 10.

on it all day. Call your man in the middle of the afternoon on his cell–when you know he has people around him– and talk dirty. Hell, do it in character. Let him know it’s on. It’s awesome when he can’t respond out of professionalism.

Boys, do the same. We might be ladies but we love a little trash talk. Just be prepared to deliver. Don’t say you’re going to rock us all night, get to it and then scream “kiss me quick!” and collapse on the bed. Now, that is disappointing. Especially when you talk it up all day. Bad boy.

3.Character building:

This is a dorky theater term for–choosing some lingerie for gettin’ down. Not you gentlemen. That would be weird. I could slap Fredrick’s for some of the crap they sell for men. No– the thong that looks like a rooster is not cute or funny. It’s gross. Total turnoff.

Note ladies– your character needs lingerie to match. Without it, the whole process goes down the drain. This is your chance to shine. Get it, girl!

Basic ideas for the ladies regarding character building (since we will inevitably make the decisions here):

  • A High Class Call-girl— Make no mistake. Every woman wants to play this character at some point. No doubt. The High Class version though. Don’t drop your woman off on a street corner, circle by, then pick her up for a 15 minute quickie that costs $20. No sir. Get a hotel room and order her up. Like The BK Lounge, only, have her your way. And–she’s expensive.
  • Naughty School-Girl— Men, take charge here. Teach that naughty girl how to be naughty!! “How do I get an A on this paper Mr. Jones? I’ll do Anything…”  *Thigh highs, pig tails, plaid skirt required.
  • Librarian/Teacher–Men get to be the submissive ones here. Take charge ladies and revel in it. You be the teacher. Make that boy pay. He’s been very bad. You can wear dark glasses and have your hair up in an unassuming bun. Hide the naughty stuff under a pencil skirt. Then– let him have it. He’s been too loud and people are trying to study. “Do you know what the punishment is for an overdue book Mr. Smith? Do you?”
  • Bad Secretary— Help the boss out with his dictation. Hehe. I had to say it. Are you in trouble for a dress code violation again? Janet in HR said that if you don’t wear a bra under that silk shirt again, she’s going to write you up. Did you misspell something in an email? Bad girl. He’s going to fire you. What will you do to keep your job?

Get the idea?

You cannot dispute the power to Role Play. It’s not like an everytime kind of thing. But it is nice to shed some of yourself and become someone/something else every once and awhile. It’s, well, fun. Be cheeky. Be saucy. Loosen up.

You might like it.

If this wigs you out, keep rocking missionary. Just don’t judge the freaks. We’re the ones having fun and staying married.


6 responses to “#13: Role Play

  1. Love it, love it, love it. I spent 7 years of marriage having good sex, but not being completely honest with each other about what we liked. After a year of divorce and over the past few months beginning to mend our broken relationship…the sex is even better, we lost some inhibitions and continue to do so..a plaid skirt and pig tails will be in my future soon.

  2. Oh, but men love this too. Nurse/Patient. Secretary/Boss. Hitler/Jew (REMEMBER YOUR SAFE WORD!!!). So many options!

  3. OH no! Stay pure Allie!

  4. haha absolutely love this. although its kinda creepy reading something that my sister wrote about ex, i dont want to have to think bout you and kyle doing it. but it was very inciteful and thanks for the tips haha

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