#16: Target

targetTheir tagline is “Expect more, Pay less.”

The problem with that statement is that I roll in, find more stuff than I will ever need and then pay more.

Women freaking love Target. It’s clean, the clothes are effing cute, they have everything that one woman could ever need (or want)– all under one roof. It’s like the high-class hooker to Walmart’s street-wise prostitute. It’s shiny and bright and appears to be happy.

No joke. I go to Target like, 4-5 times a week. I just like to walk around. Honestly, if I can avoid the wasteland that is Walmart, I am willing to drive a greater distance and spend a little more money to do so. Walmart is creepy. The people in there are creepy.

Example: I once saw a woman at Walmart in the checkout line with a screaming 1 year old (who was STILL on a bottle). She grabbed a coke out of the cooler, opened it, poured it into the kid’s bottle and then put the remainder back in the cooler. That kid downed coke like he needed the fix right then and there. Did I mention the child had no shoes on? Gross and creepy.

So, what makes Target the pantheon of lower-end department store shopping? First and foremost, the look of the store.

It’s clean and neat. I cannot say the same thing for most Walmart stores. Frankly, it’s just prettier. Why does that matter? Why should we care? Women care. We like pretty. We like clean. That is all you need to be concerned with punks. Just accept it and move on. If we don’t feel like the store is clean and happy– we probably won’t buy anything but essentials.

Typical Walmart Customer. Ew.

Typical Walmart Customer. Ew.

Yes. I shop at Walmart. When I don’t really care. When I roll into a Walmart, the look of the store and the customer service are not really that important to me. I want to get in and then get the hell out of there. Grab and dash, man. I ignore the fact that there are children running around with no shoes on their dirty feet. I ignore the spilled frosty in Aisle 4 that employees keep walking by, choosing not to notice. I also ignore the rude cashier that couldn’t be bothered to look at me when I said ‘hello’. I just want my air freshener and I want out.

I don’t do that in Target. I hang out–stroll, if you will. It’s like going to the park. I take my girls there and let my 3 year old run around in front of me. I’m not as scared that someone will kidnap her and put her into a child prostitution ring. At Walmart, I watch that kid like a freaking hawk. She usually rides in the cart. Strapped in. If there was an ankle monitor tracking device availible, she’d wear that as well. If anyone even glances her way in a Walmart, I am ready to jump them and stab them with my keys. Am I an elitist? You bet your ass I am.

Oh. And the clothes. If you haven’t noticed, women also love the clothes.

Mossimo, Isaac Mizrahi, even Merona– all are cute and relatively inexpensive. The Junior’s line is cute too. Sometimes it looks a little young, but it is cute. I don’t think I can walk into a Target store and not buy something. Even Converse has a line there. Target also promotes new designers with this designer-corner-section-thingy. I love. Seriously, I love.

The shit actually fits too. And it won’t fall apart after 2 washes. Another check in the Target column.

Target also has a great Home Line. If there is one thing that women love more than clothing (and this is a questionable statement in itself), it’s decorations for their homes. I don’t think I know a woman who hasn’t bought something from Target for their house. They have furniture, pillows, curtains, knick knacks, vases, bedding– my brain is bleeding. I go in that store and it’s like I go intoΒ  a suger coma. All euphoria and drooling. Women understand what I mean.

Look– without Target I’m sure some smart bastards would create another store similar in nature. It’s just that, this company is really smart. Target has figured out how to trick women into spending more money just by offering a clean, friendly environment and high quality goods.

Novel idea, eh?


Get shopping.


11 responses to “#16: Target

  1. I lived in Alaska for 6 years…. Its was i missed the most… TARGET…. us woman would sit around and talk and jones about it…

  2. With you 100% Karen! I spend all my money at Amazon and Target! I’m also there several times a week, just checking what’s new, strolling, as you say. With the addition of a pharmacy, it’s even better!

  3. I am in withdrawal just reading about Target. I don’t even need anything and I feel compelled to go there tomorrow. Target thanks you, my Visa does not!

  4. Hi my name is Courtney and I am a Target addict.

  5. i too love target. everything about target. the shoes, the clothes, the twelve dollar bathing suits that say, “born to rock” on it. yup i bought. what? lol i liked this one.

  6. retail stores are greatly underrated as places to hang out. I enjoy the local grocery store, but end up spending too much money.

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