#19: Accents

accentsWomen love a good accent.

If a woman sees a man at the bar that looks like Paul Giamatti, she may ignore him. But, if this same man approaches, smiles and sounds like Russell Crowe– her brain will go into some type of automatic overdrive. She may consider him now. All thoughts of rejecting this man fly out of the window. Her brain shuts down.

Accents have a powerful hold on female rational thought. You have seen A Fish Called Wanda, right? Click here. It’s science.

There are several options when it comes to accent selection. Some women may like one over the other. On the other hand, any accent will usually do– as long as it is used wisely.

1. British/Kiwi/Aussie/South African and anything else that sounds British-

These accents all sound the same to the ladies. We really don’t care where you are from–you sound sexy and we will go home with you. We do recognize that each accent is different but don’t get your panties in a wad if we ask you “Are you British?” first. That one is just the easiest to remember when we’ve been drinking.

Don’t be surprised if we automatically think you are smarter than everyone too. You sound ridiculously smart. As a man with a British-sounding accent, you could probably talk an American woman into doing just about anything. Because you are clearly smarter than us. And sexy. Did I mention sexy?

2. The Irish and Scottish Accents–

This is Sparta Bitches. Now, make out with me.

This is Sparta Bitches. Now, make out with me.

I do recognize these as different from each other. Most women do. But, as they both hail from the British Isles, I have grouped them here. Together.

If a man has an Irish Accent, he is too cute for words. We want to just pet him on the head like a puppy and stare into his dreamy boy-eyes. Honestly? I just want him to show me the gold at the end of the rainbow. There. I said it.

The Scottish accent is a bit more grown-ass-man. Like he would love you then leave you in a heartbeat, but you would have enjoyed the ride. Gerard Butler anyone? What woman didn’t want to jump his Bones in 300? Don’t tell me that was a Greek accent either. He just rolled with the Scotsman attitude. H-O-T. That is why your girl watched this movie. She was lusting after him the whole time. Did you two do it afterward?

Yeah, she was thinking of him.

3. Romance Languages (French, Spanish/Latin, Italian, Portuguese)

Many women love the French accent. It is the language of love, no? It is smooth, sweet and full of, dare I say–Love? In truth, all of the accents in this category are made for getting women into bed. Each accent has an almost hypnotic way about it. He is romantic. He cares about you. He will not just take you to bed– he will make LOVE to you.

Did your girl watch Dancing with the Stars last season? Who was her

Okay, sometimes it's not all about the accent.

Okay, sometimes it's not all about the accent.

favorite? Was it…Gilles Marini? Yeah. It was. Don’t lie. Wanna know why? Yep– he is sexy. Yet, what bolsters this fact is that cute little accent of his. Women imagine him up close, next to us, whispering sweet Latin nothings into our ear. That man was made for sex. Take away the accent, still gorgeous. But, it is the accent that really makes him interesting. Also, his butt doesn’t hurt either.

Now, not all accents appeal to us. I’ve never heard a woman request a man with a Russian accent because it’s amazingly hot. No offense Comrade, you just sound drunk most of the time.

Other notable NO-NO accents are as follows:

1. Arab/Persian Accents- You sound scary. Perhaps this is stereotyping and a little bit of the media/American influence? Noted. Still, scary.

2. Indian/Pakistani Accents– You are probably smart. You are probably cool. But, you sound like Apu from The Simpsons, and we just can’t get past that.

3. Chinese/Japanese/Korean/Vietnamese— Are you mad at us? You sound mad. Stop yelling.

Case closed, stupid.

Case closed, stupid.

4. Redneck– you just sound dumb. Remember what I said about the Brits sounding smart? Yeah– you don’t. Not cute.

There are others, but I digress.

Ladies, you cannot deny your inane attraction to the accents mentioned above. It’s like a moth to a flame. You might get burned–but it would be worth it. He may be ugly, but he sounded cute when your eyes were closed. Let’s be honest though, most men with the hot accents do seem to be more attractive, right? Or is that my brain shutting down? Oh God, it is. Help me. Save me from myself…

Gentlemen, if you do have an accent, use it for good rather than for evil.We are weak and know not what we do.

You shall be rewarded.

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6 responses to “#19: Accents

  1. How is the italian accent? I’m italian so I can’t understand how it sounds… lol
    Really nice and funny article!

  2. What about the Jamaican accent (Caribbean). Have you heard it?

  3. this one is by far my favorite kk! i laughed out loud like five times. its so true, thats why i can’t wait to visit you if you leave the country ๐Ÿ™‚ men with accents. im drooling..

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