#28: The Bad Boy

edI can save him. I can change him.

I swear. All he needs is the love of a good woman. That woman is obviously me.

In all seriousness, this tape will play through a woman’s clouded mind at least once in her little life. Probably more than once.

The appeal of the Bad Boy to the average woman can be completely befuddling to the average man. Why is it that women will stay with these jokers when they cheat, beat people up, smoke, drink, throw phones and otherwise are total douchebags? Cause They are extremely hot. Those chiseled cheek bones, the cigarette, messy hair, leather pants and philandering nature are all appealing. He won’t be that way forever silly. He just needs my undivided attention, love and loyalty. I can change him; make him a better man. One day he will realize that I am the one.

Duh.  It’s Science.

This concept really irritates my husband. “Why in the hell do women do this to themselves?” he questions– looking to me for an answer. Honestly? I don’t really have a good one. The Bad Boy is just so damn sexy. Maybe he’s the guy ladies  get all naughty with but never marry. Is that his role? To be a sexual teacher? I married a nice guy (who, mind you, is also a sexual tiger), my friends married nice guys. In general, those that married a Bad Boy are now divorced or headed that way.

Maybe that is it. Bad Boy= Sexual experience (sans strings). Maybe it’s just the fantasy of it all.

Let us discuss some fictional and non-fictional examples, shall we?

Hey Preppie.

Hey Preppie.

1. AC Slater (The Clean Bad Boy)

This is the PG Bad Boy.

He’s the Bad Boy to Zack Morris’ insipid California boy. He was, for many my age, the first real Bad Boy we were secretly coveting. I know that Mario Lopez is a total douche. I didn’t know this when I was 12 and strangely attracted to the guy that threatened to beat up Screech and danced in a leotard. I bet he could of taught Kelly Kapowski a thing or two about Sexual Education. Besides– the Jheri Curl mullet was amazing.

Take off your shirt and stop talking.

Take off your shirt and stop talking.

2. Sawyer (Bad Boy with a Heart)

What woman doesn’t want to spend months on a magic island with a shirtless Southern boy who breaks all of the rules? I mean, good God. Sawyer is the ultimate example of the Southern Bad boy. He puts the fat guy down, drinks, shoots guns, sleeps with the hot chick– did I mention he is usually shirtless? To top that off, he is heeelariously sarcastic.

The thing about Sawyer that is so appealing (setting aside his six-pack), is that although he is seriously flawed (which the right girl can ‘fix’), he has convictions. He has a heart. He shows it rarely, but when he does, women everywhere swoon. We are so effing dumb.

I love guns.

I love guns.

3. T.I. (Reformed Bad Boy)

I kind of want to ravage him.

Sure, he went to jail for a year after being caught with semi-automatic weapons, automatic weapons and silencers. Perhaps someone failed to mention to him the illegality of that particular purchase? He was probably going to kill someone. They probably had it coming.

Then, he got caught. Then, he reformed.

Hell, he had a whole record about how he had changed. He won awards for it! He Rocked the Vote. He spoke out against violence. See? Proof that Bad Boys can change. It wasn’t about getting a lighter sentence. Quit being so negative. He might shoot you.

Yep. He can eat me. I said it.

Yep. He can eat me. I said it.

4. Eric Northman (Evil Bad Boy)

Uh…I know I’ve mentioned him before– but damn.

He will straight murder your ass. He will not love you. He will eat you. He may have sex with you but then you will be his lunch. Let me just be the first to say that if I’m going to die, I’m okay with going that way.

Alan Ball and Charlaine Harris(True Blood Creators) came up with this Bad Boy character with no real redeemable qualities. He just is, simply, a Bad Boy. By this I mean he’s a killer. And it is really hot. A good woman might not be able to change him, but she will sure as hell die trying.

Dirty Hot.

Dirty Hot.

5. Colin Farrell (King of the Bad Boys)

What can I say here?

Irish? Check. Smoker? Check. Bad Mouth? Check. Sex Tape with a huge Wanker? Check. Man Whore? Check.

H-O-T.

May I present, Colin Farrell. The Ultimate Bad Boy.

I think that as we grow up and become more experienced sexually women begin to understand that the basic Bad Boy is not a keeper. Maybe we learn to use him like he uses us. I think that most of us just wish we had figured it out when we were younger so that we could maximize his usefullness– that whole ‘Sexual Teacher’ thing.

The truth is, you can’t change a Bad Boy. I blame Hollywood for making us think we can. It’s just stupid.

Take the Bad Boy for what he is–a blip on your sexual radar. No stings, no hearts broken.

Thoughts?

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9 responses to “#28: The Bad Boy

  1. Oh… God… Eric Northman ❤ Bad boys 4ever!! *giggles*

  2. Love this piece. Women love “bad boys” because they offer a package some women crave. They like the excitement they bring, the energy, the sexual experience. This however, lasts only for a while. Marriages end up in divorce because of the good girl cannot control or limit this bad boy.

    You cannot change this person if you entered the relationship liking him.

  3. bad boys = only way to go.
    1. cause they’re hot.
    2. i am also a big fan of the “you are not my significant other”

  4. First sentence: “I swear. All he needs is the love of a good woman. That woman in obviously me.”

    Do you mean “in” or “is”. There may be a subtle freudian meaning here. Or there may be a typo. Only your hairdresser knows for sure.

    Oh, and while we’re on the topic of nit-picking — since when are leather pants “hot”? Unless you’re Eddie Murphy or making an MTV video, the only men who would be caught dead wearing leather pants are gay.

    Cheers,
    Rocky (who even though is married to a trophy wife, is most definitely not a bad boy).

    • Typo noted…however Freudian it may have been 🙂

      I disagree on the leather pants. While usually gay or metro, if worn by the right guy (ie Johnny Depp or Colin Farrell) they become quite hot. Just depends on the man packing into them I guess.

  5. I think it’s a right of passage for women to love at least one bad boy in life.

    ps – not to nit-pick, but I am a librarian and a fan, so it’s Charlaine Harris :).

  6. I think the reason women do this is they really don’t believe that there are great men out there or that they are worth it.

    I write a blog all about how men can better love women. I would love to hear your comments and feedback if you have a minute to take a look.

    http://whatsheneedsfromyou.wordpress.com

    Thanks,

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